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Breaking up was easy to do.

I moved back to Alaska, they were in New Jersey.  The time zone alone made it nearly impossible for us to talk even once a day.  With no future geographical proximity reconciliation in sight, I drifted.  To protect myself from feeling pain I stopped feeling anything and thus ended the relationship.  Sure I cried when I told them I was done, but I think it was due to exhaustion and frustration that they wouldn’t just let go like I had, break the grasp and let Jack sink away on his iceberg.

I have been fine.  At first we were cordial, I have gradually cut ties, don’t text, call, and eventually unfriended.  I still feel a sting at times when I am reminded of them but it is inevitable.  While I am slightly worried at my bizarre, borderline-sociopath response to this dissolution, more troublesome is the question of when I will feel emotionally stable enough to date again.

I had a lot of fun being single, I still am.  But once I let my guard down and it bit me in the ass. Hard.  I realized I was in no way mentally ready to be vulnerable, that this fleeting breakup had messed me up much more than I realized.  I am okay with this.  I do not feel the need to date anyone again; I am having a lot of fun relearning who I am on my own.  But now I am paranoid and I wish there was something that could let me know WHEN I will be ready again.  Like ask Jeeves. But real life.

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