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Bff-ing up the BF

Submitted by maggie on May 28, 2010 – 10:17 pmComments

I have a problem with ex-boyfriends.

Not my own- those of my friends.  I have this terrible tendency to bff up the boys my friends date.  This is not a problem because they fall in love with me and I steal them away, we get along swimmingly during the relationship.  It’s the breakups where these best friend-boyfriend connections become perilous.

I’m not sure exactly why this problem persists, it could be my perpetual tomboyishness or my magnetic and alluring humor.  I have even tried to refrain from getting to know the men wooing my girls, yet somehow every time we end up pals.  You might be saying to yourself “Why is this a bad thing? I wish all of my friends were as conducive with my significant others as you!” My poor misguided reader, I once thought the same.  It does make life easier when everyone can kick it and enjoy each other, when there is no competing for attention and affection.  The danger lies in the times when turbulence jolts the lovers’ smooth path.

Because I am friends with these boys, I become a portal to their girlfriends when problems arise.  It happens simply enough the first time or two: they have had a fight and you advise him on how best to mend things with her; you tell him what she is thinking and why she is upset.  At some point though, the sympathetic shoulder needs to freeze over.  You become a way for him to communicate with her, for him to prolong and aggravate any issues they may be having.  Once you have helped it is difficult to know when you are only hurting your friend by becoming involved, however passive the situation seems.  Here is where I rue my friendships with the boyfriend.  After witnessing multiple ugly breakups, I feel untold amounts of guilt for abetting the person who has wrecked my friend’s heart.  I feel like a traitor and I hate that boy for using our friendship as a vehicle of abuse.

So again, I refrain.  I listen to my friends talk about their loves while thinking to myself that I will keep my distance.  But then he reaches out, obviously trying to win over her friends, and we bond over Shaq or Silence of the Lambs.  My friend’s elation at our connection makes me think that maybe this time it will end up okay…

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