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Best Buds

Submitted by GingerBlackstone on April 22, 2010 – 3:53 pmComments

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by Danielle Swincinski

When I was in high school, I had a core group of close girlfriends. Our lockers were all in a row, and we shared many of the same classes, as well as choir and drama groups after school.  While these factors brought us together, it was chemistry that kept us close. While we share many artistic and literary interests (all of us enjoy a serious novel and some good choral music), it is the fact that Danielle always says what she means, that Laura listens without judgement, that Christanna bursts out singing for no reason at all, that Era will try anything once, and that I book end my sentences with puns that keeps our interest in each other and our wacky dynamic that always leaves us giggling.

Back then, we designated a day after school when we all got together, went to one of our houses, and watched movies, ate ramen noodles and chocolate, and laughed.  We called it Women’s Wednesday, and it was a magical day.

When we graduated from high school, we started a yahoo group in order to stay in contact through posts which everyone in the group could read.  We have maintained this site to this day, although we now communicate more regularly through Facebook.  All of us have moved, changed jobs, and taken on relationships.  For a year and a half, one friend lived in New Zealand, and none of us missed a beat, skyping with her and communicating through the yahoo posts. Wherever we roam, we have made the choice to keep in contact.

While friendships begin with shared interests and location, by our mid-twenties, the likelihood of these relationships sustaining depends on creativity and priority.  We have less time, due to work and “adult responsibilities,” which automatically weeds out the people that do not register high on our buddy scale. Gone are the long, lazy afternoons rife with crafts and impromptu trips to the beach.  People either matter enough to fill my evening, or they don’t.  In the case of the Womens’ Wednesday group, we plan events in addition to regular hang nights in order to make time for each other, and make new memories.  We celebrate holidays together by having dinners (usually hosted by Danielle, who makes a mean black bean soup) and exchange Christmas presents or dye Easter eggs.  We see live music, get brunch, and travel as a group to see Era, the member of our posse who now lives in Boston.  Wherever we are, we make it work, because these friendships, this group, continues to nourish each of us.

Perhaps friendship is a good template for choisters who are confused about settling on career, partner, or even where to go on a Friday night.  For all my indecisiveness, my close friendships have never been up for debate.  They are in my heart and thus prioritize themselves.  If we look at what we truly value, what makes us happy, perhaps the millions of choices available will wittle down to the one or two paths that really suit us.

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