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And It All Comes Crumbling Down

Submitted by Laura Horton on July 21, 2010 – 3:51 amComments

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frayed-rope-253x300It seemed to have such potential, that first night we made small talk on the dance floor.  The lights of a new city can be so enrapturing –turning memories into romantic reels of smiles, laughter and cobblestone streets. But the high of newness makes us miss the subtleties. Eventually I found myself, as that distraction faded, seeing for the first time how self-important he sounded when he talked about his favorite ice cream flavor.  (How can you be self-important about ice cream?) And when he told me he doesn’t like gin after I ordered a Tanqueray martini, it was with an air of condescension, not adoration… not flirtation.

Looking back, I’m starting to realize that it did nothing but lack potential, really. But the newness… the newness demanded that I not spend too much time looking in his eyes, because it would have meant far too much, though perhaps I would have spotted that bit of emptiness a little earlier.

The conversation I had been trying to start (over and over) ended up being preempted by a drunken phone call and an ugly fight. I was honest, and I risked releasing the untamed primary school temper tantrum I always knew was there.  (I could see it under his cashmere sweater – illustrated pretty nicely by that time he got himself kicked out the bar because he thought it appropriate to storm the stage and lick the emcee.)

We chose our words unwisely; we ignored phone calls, text messages, facebook messages and we basically ensured that we’d never speak to each other again. The thought of spending another minute with him made me feel like rodents were scratching at my organs. But it was over. And I got a consolation prize: “Hopefully for whatever girl comes next, as you say, I’ll act more my age.”

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  • Pabulous

    Is this about little old moi?? I think it must be, although I never remember licking an emcee or having a favourite ice-cream. I still hold that gin is a wicked drink. How could I have said that with adoration?

    I still think backto those times and cringe, mostly for the things I said and did, but I laugh too.

    Our personalities clash like a pair of fucking cymbals, I do think we are quite similar (I can picture you looking at that statement with complete bemusement and anger) but possibly the most similar trait is we can be rather quite nasty at times when we want and don't want to haha. I like the rodents scratching at my organs line, a true wordsmith.

    But anyway the past is z past, best not dwell. Still reading your blogs every so often. Hope all is well.

    Keep it foolish!

  • Laura H.

    I took some liberties, it's a little bit fiction, a little bit you. Not dwelling, I promise, just needed some material.

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