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Submitted by on October 20, 2009 – 1:10 pmComments

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I thought about not writing about Lauren Conrad / LC’s new book, since I haven’t even read it (nor do I plan to), but I thought I should comment on it, in the same vein of my fellow critics:

New York:  “words are spelled correctly, sentences are properly constructed, and the plot and structure hold together. Admit it: That’s more than you expected.”

Entertainment Weekly: “It’s a dismal portent of the future of pop culture, disguised as escapist fiction aimed at young-adult LC fans who might like a bookshaped object as a keepsake…”

Newsday: “A thinly veiled roman a clef about people who are really thin”

It appears LC was “assisted” by a ghost writer who helps her tell the story of Jane Roberts, a sweet and good-natured beauty who moves to LA with the ambition of becoming an Event Planner. How fitting that her first few nights on the town she meets a “producer”  who needs doll-faced fodder for a new reality show, aptly titled L.A. Candy.  Jane gets miked up and sent into a club to party, (oh, I mean shoot a scene), and runs into “a blond wearing more makeup and hair products than clothing,” let me guess, could this be Heidi of the Speidi duo?

What’s truly annoying about all this is that LC plans on writing 2 more books, a wonderful young adult trilogy like the Twilight series – and that comparison demands an apology to Twilight.  LC should be fully aware she is writing a book about a fake reality starlet, who is fake literally, meaning fictional, and fake metaphorically, meaning shallow – yet instead of owning up to her own vanity, LC attempts a philosophical bent. In the few excerpts that were published online, “Jane” begins to question: What’s real about reality? How can co-stars really be real friends if they have to sign a release form? LC, do everyone a favor and don’t feign introspection, it’s just not your style. I’m guessing this book would be a lot more entertaining if it just owned up to its shallowness. As J.M. Barrie once said, “the printing press is either the greatest blessing or the greatest curse of modern times. Sometimes one forgets which it is.” How eternally relevant.

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  • ALo
    LC's departure will make no difference - the scripted reality show will go on... with Kristen Cavallari from Laguna Beach fame, oh joy!

    Huffington Post: "Conrad wants to move forward and lead a more private life...the 23-year-old fashion designer will have a big send-off..."
  • Red
    LC, you get $25,000 just to make a club appearance and were able to launch your own clothing line purely on the basis of your reality show notoriety. You scored an internship at Teen Vogue straight out of high school and through saying "like" close to 73 times during your interview. And now, you're downing the producers of your (I mean "Jane's") show??? Puh-lease! A-Lo said it...own up to your vanity..introspection is just not your style.
  • Anahit
    I never understood why people actually bought books with celebrity bylines. You know the book is never actually written by said celebrity, and yet the writing is still terrible. On the other hand, I wonder what kind of reaction we all would have had if it turned out Lauren Conrad had actually written the next Great American Novel.
  • ALo
    You can find one excerpt at TeenVogue.com - shameless self-promotion by both parties.
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