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Marry Me (A Little)

Submitted by Bonnie Sludikoff on May 7, 2010 – 7:11 pmComments

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courtesy of photo8.com

courtesy of photo8.com

       I do not have a wedding book full of floral arrangements and dresses.  I do not have an “if we’re still single at 30” arrangement with a male friend.  I have never step-touch-stepped across a room with a paper-towel veil humming “here comes the bride.”  OK, maybe once on that last one, but it was mostly in jest!  But last Sunday, after watching two of my dearest friends get married, I was swept away by an unfulfilled urge to drink- one I could not quench as I had to drive home 93.2 miles after the engagement!  So I opted for the next best thing… I caught the bouquet.  

       It was a calculated move.  In my experience, most girls don’t make a grab for the bouquet- so standing front and center amongst all the single ladies gives one a decent shot.  But in this case, the friend I consider most likely to get engaged next definitely got a handful of sunflower before I snatched it away and I have to say, I felt a little guilty for my fervor.  I can only hope that this portion of the evening was not documented too closely for fear that someone will see the look in my eye, which I imagine to have been something between extreme drive and terrible defeat. 

      That said- I’m not remotely interested in getting married any time soon.  I have things I want to accomplish before I settle down.  And That said, if Mr. Right shows up tomorrow, I’d certainly consider reevaluating.  But the truth is, settling down is not my priority at the moment- nor has it been at any time in my 20s.  Still, that walk to the center of the dance floor has felt like a walk of shame every time. It felt that way last night and also for the previous 9 or so weddings I have attended in the last few years.  I’ve stopped counting.

      But the number that looms over my head is 27. I am 27 years old and getting ready to attend my high school reunion this summer.  I have not particularly kept up with anyone from the “good old days.”  I’m one of few who failed to find anything really good about them.  My theory- “the best is yet to come” is disputed by many previous classmates who look back on high school favorably as they tend to their very “adult” lives.  Many of the girls have a child- and a few have more than one.  Several of them have had starter marriages.  And few have pursued the careers they said they wanted to pursue.

     I wish them all the best, and I hope their futures are even brighter than their glowing high school careers.  And I admit to feeling a sense of being left out as I see their futures unfold via facebook update.  But for myself, I can honestly say, I would not trade with a single person.   I may not be the model of “adulthood” but I proudly maintain the ideals I held as a child. I want to have a family someday.  I see myself with a dashing and attentive husband- a couple of kids and maybe a golden retriever.  I also intend to continue performing, writing and trying to make the world a better place. 

      My failure to compromise on these goals definitely contributes to being single and poor, but at the heart of it, I know I will get what I’m after. Because what I’m learning in my late 20s is that life is like the part of the wedding where the single girls step sheepishly only the dance floor.  Most of us want to catch the bouquet- but only a few will grab for it.  



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  • I totally agree with you about high school not being the "good ole days-" I always say that my "glory days" are coming! If you already had the best days of your life at 16, what about the next 70 years? It's depressing to think that you reached your peak potential at an age where you're just discovering who you are as a person. I have to admit that I enjoy life even more the farther in time I travel away from those days and I'm much happier!

  • dizpkc

    Amen, sister!! :-)

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