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I’m in a polygamous relationship.

My boyfriend proudly announced this to me this morning.

I didn’t know what to say.

“With who?”

As my eyes narrowed into tiny slits, I glared angrily at him for any signs of guilt. Now he tells me this?

“You know you’re always going to be the most important one? I promise.”

There. I saw it. The signs of guilt! Oh god. Good god! There they were! Shuffling feet. Looking down. Jitteriness. Oh god.

I repeated the question. WHO THE EFF WAS IT?!

“It’s my PS3.”

Should I believe relieved to hear this? I know it’s cliché when your boyfriend announces that his game console is considered as ‘the other woman.’  So I shouldn’t care when an inanimate object (which could probably do as many things as you could nowadays) be even considered in the equation of a relationship?

We all know guys love their toys. Their new touch screen phones, their fancy big TVs and their X Boxes. We know that once they mature, they ‘might’ grow out of it. Or they’ll at least acknowledge you when you ask them a question during their quest to free some fantasy village. Isn’t it sort of scary of how much importance men bestow upon their toys?  Like Final Fantasy—which probably has about roughly 60 hours of playing time. Is that healthy to be so addicted to it? To have them be so consumed by something for six hours straight? I love games, I do. I’m a big Nintendo kind of girl —and I know how fun games can be.

Should we have a choice in this, or will we be labeled as uptight bitches if we so much utter a cry of contempt?

I could argue about that weird case in which a Korean couple was so addicted to games that they allowed their newborn child to die. Ironically, they were taking care of their digital child. Of course, that’s an isolated case. Or the kid who wastes his life away being a rock band champion, developing a bad diet and diabetes?  Of course, another isolated incident. Maybe bad parenting?

Games do increase your dexterity. I can’t lie about that. They might also increase your ability to react super fast. (Like those shooter games) This I’ve argued with my sixteen-year-old brother on various occasions, since his grades have dipped lower with the increased gaming time.

Here are things I’ve always fantasized about doing to that little box that emits images and sounds—much like what I would do to my competition.

1. Giving him the cold shoulder. Being spiteful and picking a hobby that causes me to ignore him for hours at a time.
2. Sabotaging the other woman’s appearance. Painting it a ghastly color—along with his controllers. That or carve tattoos into it thus making it more skanky.
3. Making it more difficult for him to actually encounter the other woman. For example—playing a daily scavenger hunt game with his controllers – if he figures out the clues then he can play.
4. Cut off all monetary sources that goes to the other woman. That new cover he wanted so that the controller wouldn’t be greasy/sweaty? It’s going towards my birthday present fund.
5. If all else fails, bringing the other woman and your man in for “the talk.” Whatever you decide is your business.

So, again, we’re faced with a horrible circumstance. Do we choice to banish them to their fantasy town that they’ve devoted so much time into building, or should we just accept it? Maybe introduce it in the bedroom? (There are Princess Leia costumes—just saying.)

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