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Making decisions is complicated, especially when the choices seem endless. It’s twice as complicated when you throw someone else in the mix and then you have to make a choice together. My mister and I have been together now for nearly four years. There are no rings on our fingers, but, among other things, we do share a toothpaste tube, a bully cat, and an apartment. Every time one of us wants to make a choice about our lives, we take into consideration the effects it might have on the other.

For instance, when my position in Boston was phased out and my car kicked the bucket all in the same month, I had to think very seriously about next steps for myself. What kind of job would I look for? Should I buy a car? How about grad school? Might relocating be fun? And those are only the logistical questions. Really I was wondering “What am I going to do with myself now?” and buried underneath that question was “What does this mean for my relationship?” (see here for the specific tribulations of this conundrum). The short answer is: we moved to New York together. I had a job lined up, and Alex (aforementioned boyfriend) took a leap of faith. He quit his job, came along, and (very, very fortunately) ended up getting a job so well-suited to him that I’m not entirely sure he wasn’t plotting the whole mess from the start.

Big decisions aren’t the only ones that make an impact on our everyday life. We recently stood in a corner store, for more than one minute (all that should have been necessary for this process), picking out a new type of cat food for our beast. We weighed the pros and cons. We hemmed and hawed. Almost every day we discuss, sometimes at length, what we’re going to eat for dinner. Whenever I rearrange the furniture/decor, I let him know that we can change it back if he doesn’t like it, but please give it a chance. I can’t just buy a quilt with bows and flowers on it, because it’s not just going on my bed, it’s going on our bed.

I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m whining. I’m not. Half the time, the decisions are easier because he’s there to knock the crazy out of me. He supports everything that I feel is important to me. Plus, I reeeeeally like having him around. I am in awe of the fact that he came to New York with me, trusting that he would find something-anything-to sustain himself. But man, being part of a well-balanced team sure makes selecting a bag of tortilla chips a tricky venture.

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