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Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

Submitted by Rachel on November 25, 2010 – 1:51 amComments

I actually wrote this for a creative writing class assignment a couple years ago - we could write anything we wanted, but it had to be about Thanksgiving, and it had to be about Chuck Norris. Happy Thanksgiving all!

‘Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and my back was aching

From all the holiday cooking and baking.

The turkeys were being stuffed with such care,

In hopes that Chuck Norris soon would be there.

The children were nestled snug in their beds,

For fear of roundhouse kicks to the head.

And Mamma in her kerchief and I in my cap

Were looking forward to a long turkey nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a noise,

I knew the peace of the moment was destroyed.

Away to the window I flew in a flash,

To see why it was suddenly raining down ash.

The moon on the bodies of the new fallen dead

Gave the luster of mid-day as all their wounds bled.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

The greatest of men carrying a case of beer.

I knew in an instant there was no mistaking this stranger,

It could only be my beloved Texas Ranger.

And he whistled and shouted and listed his movies,

That he had mostly starred in during the eighties.

“Good Guys wear Black, Return of the Dragon,

Silent Rage, and Braddock: Missing in Action!

I’m the king of action, I’m the king of the brawl,

And you’ll be sorry if you don’t watch them all!”

When he said this I began to grow pale

But Chuck Norris simply cracked open his ale.

He was dressed in rifles from his head to his foot.

I knew with no doubt that I had better stay put.

His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!

For he had just crushed my dog like a berry.

His mouth was drawn up like a little bow,

His glinting teeth white as snow.

The stump of a bone he held tight in his teeth,

More bones round his neck hung like a wreath.

His body was muscled and hard as rock.

All we could do was stare in shock.

He was big and deadly, his arms like a shelf.

I nervously laughed, in spite of myself.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

His sheer gaze made my cat drop dead.

He spoke not a word but went to his work,

Kicking things and going beserk.

The scent of baked goods had reached his nose,

He released my neck and suddenly rose.

He unhinged his jaw and ate it all at once,

He gave a great belch and turned to announce,

“Thanks for having me over, now I must leave.

But don’t worry, I’ll be back Christmas Eve!”

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