Well, I did it. I broke up with my fuck-buddy.

I am 23, and I have never “broken up” with someone. I’ve gone on underwhelming dates and said no to a second outing; I’ve told guys I’d rather just be friends; I’ve been the dump-ee, and haphazardly turned to ice cream and vodka.

But yesterday, I partook in my first semi-dumping. Only, the dump-ee was no more than a casual sex partner. We met at a bar through friends of friends, shared a few too many beers, and ended up in his car’s backseat. The next morning, I was feeling ashamed and hoping he was a nice guy — he woke up feeling like a champion, hoping I was up for another round.

We followed up the drunken tryst with an actual movie date, and while we certainly had a good time, it was obvious (to me, at least) that we didn’t have the romantic chemistry they advertise on Match.com. We bantered like friends, we held hands in the theater, but until it came time to tear each others’ clothes off, I felt no temptation to tear his clothes off. We kept up the flirting, but it was all sizzle, no substance.

I wasn’t sure how to go about ending things, really. We hadn’t truly been together, so I didn’t need to actually “break up” with him. We were friends, and I wanted to remain so, so I needed to do it politely. But the fact was, I needed to end it, so I had to break it off, firmly and clearly.

My fuck-buddy took the news okay, though he later asked me if the way he treated me made me feel used. When I responded that he didn’t make me feel bad, and that I thought the status of our “relationship” was pretty clearly defined, he asked if I saw him as nothing more than sex. I almost felt like asking him if I’d made him feel used. After all, I was the one labeling him the fuck-buddy, and he was the one who asked me out on our first date.  Maybe I was using him. Maybe I was the bad guy, who found someone to use for sex, to dump when I found someone better. If I were the guy in this equation, my ex-fuck buddy would be cursing my name and crying to his BFF’s.

The truth is, though his having the y-chromosome might cause him to be labeled the asshole in any chick-flick, he didn’t do anything wrong. And I don’t have a problem with friends with benefits relationships. But after 23 years without ever exchanging “I love you”’s with a guy, I know it’s time to make a change.

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