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There are certain hallmarks of your mid-twenties: you stop barhopping during the week (except Thursdays), you start to save money (or at least start thinking about it), and between the months of May and October you attend at least one wedding. You or someone you know, or someone your special someone knows will be making the plunge. As a result, you yourself may catch wedding fever, whether you want to or not. This time of year trips some kind of switch in my brain. Suddenly, I’m thinking about Vera Wang and table settings; bridesmaid dresses and flower arrangements.

Unlike some of my peers, growing up I never had a fairy-tale view of marriage. I knew from going through my parents’ divorce that marriage is hard. It’s about compromises—the ones you make and perhaps, more importantly, the ones you don’t. But, I’m not made of steel and I can see why the thought of throwing a big party and wearing a beautiful gown is appealing to so many women. Of course, this is the crux of the problem—do you want a wedding or a marriage? Remember, they aren’t the same thing. Sounds obvious, but I find it’s the only cure for wedding fever. Well, that and I turn to my elders.

On one side there’s the boyfriend’s mother, who has been not-so-subtly dropping hints that she’s ready for grandchildren (this while her two youngest children still live at home), on the other I have my father, who is practically making me sign a form stating that I absolutely under no circumstances will marry before I’m thirty. And then, there’s my mom—the quintessential 50-plus lady enjoying her singledom and claiming that she’s happier than she’s ever been.

For his part, the boyfriend seems to be the only one not pushing me one way or the other. His reasoning? “As soon as you get married, people start asking when you’re going to have kids, and I don’t want that responsibility right now.” You said it. So, go ahead. Let your 20-something friends get married and enjoy the day. After all, that’s what open bar is for.

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