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I, Ellipsis

Submitted by Jordan-Alicia Machado on May 8, 2010 – 3:25 amComments

So, it’s a typical Friday morning in Los Angeles.  The night’s crisp has begun to dissipate as a blanket of heat positions itself snugly over the city.  The sweet, lovable, neurotic Pomeranian I call Kirby (or, alternatively, My Very Best Friend), waits patiently by the door to be let out for his morning business.  I oblige him and as he trots out, I wait, leaning against the hard pane of the doorway.  Suddenly, it occurs to me that in spite of the hustling and bustling most typical of in-betweeners like me, at the end of the day, this 11-pound bundle of bounce is perhaps ten times more confident in himself, more sure of what he wants in life, and less inhibited about getting it.

All day, this thought has remained with me.  As a recent college graduate, I sometimes feel a bit more confused than the first day I walked on campus.  I always thought a diploma would open doors for me, and it has — in fact, I’d venture to say that the reason I am oh so finicky about making finite decisions is that my college experience has helped me to discover an excess of passions leaving too many doors swinging ajar before me.

study from the Pew Research Center observes that the college attendance rate amongst 18 - 24 year olds has hit an all-time high in recent years.  Pew also notes that these rates tend to be cyclical and often skyrocket in times of poor economic stature.  People flock to college when the going gets rough in the hopes of moving up in life, gaining ground in a new or former career. These folks have set goals — to become nurses or make more money, to learn a vocational trade or earn a credential — and have come to college to accomplish them.

In hindsight, I was actually quite the opposite.  In my case, I wandered in with the hopes that college would help me in identifying an ideal career and, in addition, that college would help me identify myself.  While my friends worked arduously through their nursing program, I took classes simply for the sake of learning.  I declared Political Science as my major on a mission to law school, but my favorite courses were in French, World Cooking, and Theatre Arts.

For so long, it seems, I wandered, in and out of coursework like a mouse in a maze.  I fell in love with every new lesson learned and it seems, more importantly, I learned to love myself.  I studied Photography and Film, Stanislovsky, Biology, and how to play guitar.

I’m still timid, by my very nature.  I’m just as bashful as the day I graduated from the rigors of prep school and entered into this world of endless realms of study.  It’s peculiar how unfamiliar life without school feels and I’m already regretful of my decision to postpone graduate school for a year.  It’s time, though, for me to learn of a whole new side to myself  - to break the ellipsis between myself and the real world, once and for all.

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  • Mike Kim
    it feels like you've just come out of the womb again, yeah?
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