Before you read: this post needs a little mood music, might I suggest The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

For those of us who enjoy a good romantic comedy, I’m sure we can agree that Bridget Jones’s Diary tends to fit the bill for a feel good love story. And when Mark Darcy tells Bridget that he likes her- just as she is, it’s impossible to keep the cheesy smile away. (Just me?)

For a while my romantic life had been restricted to living vicariously through love affairs on screen, which I was okay with since I always considered my singlehood to be self-inflicted, as it represented the chance for real self-discovery. [I'm slowly learning that most moments in life are a chance to get to know thyself, but that's a whole other post.]

But now I’m entering the world of relationships and have realized two things: the self analyzing is only heightened once you add another person to the equation and I don’t think I really know how to be in a relationship that well.

I’ve never wanted to be a nude model for an art class (stay with me, there is a connection), but if I were, I imagine it’d be something similar to what is going on in my head as I’m in this relationship.  I’m standing in this class, naked, alone. In comes a handsome brown-eyed hottie. (Me likes) He starts to observe and sketch. My guard falls, intimacy builds.  I’m relieved to know we’re alone, until, the door opens and in come his friends, and family- most importantly, the mom. My time to impress. As they dissect me, I encourage myself: stay likable, look hot for him, be polite, not too opinionated, show you’re funny, be smart, be patient, be interesting, and so it continues. Until, I’m putting too much pressure on myself, then I crack and my defenses start to build and a slight reminder of my fear of relationships returns. Shit- there goes that dreamboat.

That’s when brown-eyed hottie swoops in and says “You know, I really like you. Just as you are.”  And then I’m back to being fully clothed wrapped in very warm arms. Happy and in a relationship. Who knew?

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

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