Recently my friend Katie and I were having a discussion about love in the future; mainly, that no one will fall in love randomly anymore – everyone will just use online dating tools to screen people for compatibility before they even meet. Call me old-fashioned, but it just doesn’t seem that romantic or exciting to me. I’m not knocking it for those it works for – I know several people who are in happy long-term relationships that met online. I also know several people for whom online dating has only produced a string of failed relationships faster.

Love is unreasonable. You can’t help who you do and don’t have feelings for, and that’s something an online profile just can’t tell you. To quote Katie, “No one is going to be specifically looking for a short brunette who reads too many books and owns a cat.” No, probably not. I graduated from an 80% male college; I know more than several nice, well-educated, non-hideous men. If it was as easy as that, I’d have married one of them years ago. But, like we said on campus, the odds were good but the goods were odd. You can make your list of essential qualities, but you can’t make yourself love someone just because they look good on paper, and that whole list can also go right out the window if you meet a person you click with who fits none of those qualifications.

Dating has changed plenty already for those of us still single in this century, even from our parent’s generation. It used to be that if a guy liked you, he asked for your number and called to take you on a date. When my mom met my dad, my mom actually had a boyfriend at the time. He invited my father to come along with him and my mother on a date to the movies. My mom said she knew it was over with her boyfriend that night, (quote Mom: “It’s his own fault; you don’t invite another man on a date with your girlfriend, idiot.”) and from then on, my dad would wait on my mom’s porch for her to get home from school every day. They’ve been together almost 30 years now. So cute you could almost vomit.

But how do I find something like that now? Between e-mail, social media, and texting, no one ever has to actually call you and ask you anything. And with the “hook-up” culture, you don’t even need to date, or necessarily even like each other that much. If formal dating is dying, how the hell am I supposed to figure out who the right person for me is? It boggles my mind. When my mom was my age, I was already 8 years old. My mother is now suddenly the leading expert on birth defects for babies born to women over 30. I was under the impression 25 was still young, but last time I checked my social circle: married, dating for years, engaged, married, married with kids, married & pregnant…oh, good, a few single stragglers.

Everyone’s got an opinion. My mother wants to set me up on so many blind dates I should get a free guide dog. My father is perfectly fine with me never dating anyone, ever. My psychic is convinced I actually already know my soul mate, although what said soul mate is waiting on, then, I don’t know.

Maybe I’m just going about it wrong. Or maybe there really aren’t any eligible single men left. My book club – all women. My gym – aside from the 50 year old overweight guys – all women. And everyone says you don’t meet the love of your life in a bar. So now what? I got sick right after I left college, and it’s taken 2 ½ years to get my health under control; I haven’t really had to try dating as a normal adult in the real world, so…I guess I’ll just keep floundering about for now. I’m not extremely worried; I’m enjoying just being healthier, and having a solid group of friends. There’s a proverb that says, “Don’t focus on finding the right person, focus on being the right person.” If you really believe in fate, then you believe there is someone out there for you. It just takes time…and a little luck.

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