“You don’t choose who you fall in love with.”  I’m sure we’ve all heard this in some romantic comedy in which one distraught friend going through a breakup is being consoled by another friend. In an effort to ease the blow of the pain she tries to relieve her friend of all the hurt and responsibility.  I’ve always toyed with this idea, because I just can’t come to terms with the fact that one of our strongest emotions is completely out of our control.

I recently delved into this conversation with one of my friends as she was coming to the realization that her relationship with her boyfriend was coming to an end.  While fighting through tears she admitted she chose to allow herself to fall in love and that is one of the reasons she was so angry.  It was almost as if she’d betrayed herself.  In her opinion, she should have known better.

It’s unfortunate that we often recognize that we’ve crossed the threshold of vulnerability once heartbreak sets in and we’re being snapped back into reality.  And this is when most people realize that allowing themselves to fall in love, whether on a conscious or subconscious level, was a decision they must take responsibility for.

The part that intrigues me the most about this decision making process is the reasoning behind it.  It’s the reasons behind the decision to give in or to give up that make each of us unique. Reasons can rage from fear of being hurt (again), poor/good timing,  or just looking at this guy/girl and knowing this is someone you can definitely see in your future (or you can look at this person and know that in about 1 year, you’ll be so annoyed by their current “cute” qualities, that falling in love with them is just not an option).

Looking back, what are the reasons that have dictated your choice to love or hold back?

When deciding if your current relationship is love-worthy, just remember that whatever the choice, the outcome of that decision is completely out of your control.  Great things may come or heartbreak may be waiting around the corner. Make the choice you feel is best for you and stand by it. Regret is never a worthy emotion.

Image courtesy Flickr by: Thomas Ott

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