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Like most women, there are features of my body, which I am happy about, some I’m not so happy with, and some things I would trade in completely.

One thing, which never made it on any of those lists, simply because I had not considered it, was…

… my vagina.

I suddenly pondered this aspect of my anatomy when I was discussing, with a friend, the appearance of ex-porn stars in popular culture, (Jenna Jameson, Traci Lords, etc.) and the occasional buzz surrounding celebrity sex-tapes.

I realized I had never seen the porn superstars plying their trade, at the height of their powers, nor had I seen any of the highly publicized celebrity sex-tapes of the past ten years.

I first tried the porn section of my local video store, meekly asking the staff for directions. (”Through the door in the back, past the drama section”). It was like a dive bar consisting of three racks of videos, most of which seemed trashy, but with stunningly witty names:  “Shaving Ryan’s Privates”, “Riding Miss Daisy”, and “When Harry Ate Sally” “to name a few of of the more stellar titles. At the moment of check-out-truth, however, I lost my nerve.

Thank God for the internet.

I always felt a little odd, overtly exploring anything related to erotica. But now I could access all I could ever want on the information-superhighway, at my own leisure, and in the privacy and comfort of my bedroom.

Had I known my curiosity was going to lead me down yet another road of self-doubt, I would have never opened this “Pandora’s Box” (pun definitely intended) of Goodies.

Suddenly, in the course of 25 minutes, I had seen more vaginas than I had seen in the previous 25 years of my life, up close and personal.

I know that most women, myself included, know what we look like, down there, clinically speaking.

The question though, really is, what do we look like to you? (Our boyfriends, friends with benefits, and even the random one-night-stand).

Is it out of bounds, nay foolish, to ask your boyfriend: “Do you like the way my “kitty” looks?”

Is it a subject matter that lends itself to one person, inevitably lying to the other person, so as to make them feel better?

Does it even matter?

I find that my girlfriends and I will talk about anything related to sex.  Most of us share similar beliefs in what’s good, attractive, what turns us on, and of course, what REALLY turns us off, etc.

Of course, we also talk about men’s “equipment”.

What about “It” turns us on, and definitely what about “It” turns us off .

Do men have similar conversations? If so, does the appearance of our “biscuit” come into question?

When it comes to my “Jade Palace”, what is attractive and what isn’t?

Do men retreat from pursuing women based on that alone, similarly to how some women, if not turned on by that one aspect, will turn off completely?

(I mean, it is important and understandable, most women, want the whole package (again, pun intended).

In the end, I can never know, or reasonably expect a partner to tell me if they are moved or repelled by the appearance of my “hoo-haa”.

The moment which the question: “What does my “Lotus Blossom” look like?”,  becomes most pressing is, obviously, when our partner is about to perform that sometimes magical endeavor, whose name rhymes with “gummulingbus”

In the end, I suppose, I should simply accept that if he (or she) is willing to “do that thing that I really, REALLY, like” I should set aside my porn-induced-insecurities, and simply enjoy these gifts which we are about to receive.

Amen.

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