“Already… so soon?”

That’s the question and response spat at me when I told my friends (and some family members) I was dating again after my recent breakup. I understand their shock. I started seeing my ex a mere two months after the breakup of my 4-plus year relationship. It wasn’t like I had planned to snag a boyfriend, it just happened. I was casually seeing a few guys, met him, and BOOM! I was suddenly off the market. And after 3 months, just as suddenly found myself back on.

I gave myself 2 weeks to mope. Two weeks would have turned into 3 had it not been for verbal shakings from a very wise girlfriend. Thanks to her pep-talk I was ready to get back out there, albeit with a little hesitation. Everyone warned me before about dating so soon after my uber-serious relationship and I saw where that went, but I felt I had spent all the time I wanted (and needed) mulling over what could have, should have, would have been. Why did I need to wait? What was I waiting for? More importantly, who was I waiting for?

A friend asked, “What if he finds out you’re dating again? Then he’s going to think you weren’t into the relationship to begin with. I thought you really liked him, how could you move on so fast?” I was ready to date again and felt that waiting would prove nothing. I had nothing to prove and no one to prove it to. The last thing on my mind was whether or not I had waited a certain amount of time that was deemed appropriate by him, my friends, or my family. Gram always told me, “Don’t waste the pretty,” and I refused to hold myself back because of how someone may feel about or perceive it. Especially if that someone broke up with me. I didn’t owe him anything, but owed it to myself to live my life.

Whether it’s after a week, a month, or a year, dating post-breakup does not invalidate the previous relationship. It does not discredit the feelings had (or still present) and it certainly does not imply the connection shared with that person wasn’t real. Besides, shouldn’t moving on be a show of strength? Maturity? I gave it my best. It didn’t work out and I will not let that discourage me. Another wise girlfriend once told me, “You will find love and fall deep in it.” Love cannot be found in a pint of cake batter ice cream nor does it lurk between the lines of sappy old emails. Trust me, I’ve looked. But it just might be hiding at the bottom of the jumbo bucket of popcorn you’ll share on your next date. There’s only one way to find out…

Photo credit: © Yuri Arcurs

Share this Post!