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Blame Twilight: Ten(ish) Strange Vampire Products

Submitted by Candice Horn on July 9, 2010 – 3:35 amComments

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Let’s face it: we’re going to drown in a sea of vampires. It’ll never end. Ever since that atrociously written vampire-series-that-shall-never-be-named was published, it spawned a multitude of mostly badly written knock offs. Three movies down the line, and it’s much worse. It’s beyond the usual souvenirs. Amazon has a special “vampire romance” section, and the teen section has 1,055 vampire books. Girls suddenly had to decide whether they were ‘team Jacob’ or ‘team Edward’—which has become Burger King’s latest marketing trend.

Can I just say that Cedric Diggory was NEVER noticed before these movies? And if you think I’m just some hater—I’ve read all the books. That is—-after I sustained a bad injury on my fingers that rendered me incapable of doing things without pain. So I read the series, yes. I was amused, yes. I just never prepared for the living hell that the movies would unleash on the world. (I will agree that Jacob continually gets hotter and hotter)

So here’s a list of weird vampire products:

  • Blood Energy Potion. I was grossed out when I saw this at the movie opening.
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—-Vampire Vineyard Wine. There’s….actually….wine produced in a vineyard that is ‘rumored’ to be created by vampires. It makes sense that it was started by some ‘entertainment attorney.’ There’s Vodka, Beer, and Wine.

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—-The slogan on this shirt is SO funny:pCHIC1-6756544reg

—-Vampire Hunter Kit: In case you felt like attacking some vampires? ‘Cos you know…the vampire apocalypse is coming soon.
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—-The Sexy Vampire Reusable Menstrual Pad: There are no words.
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—-Maria’s Blood Preserves: Just in case you wanted to pretend you were a vampire.
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—-Vampire Mugs: Cute!
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—-Blood Bath : A nice, warm bath. Don’t think it turns red though.
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—-Sanguis Perfume Oil: Inspired by blood, this Etsy store created the ultimate perfume oil that looks like blood.
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—-These are just a list of weird vampire books I saw: (This is just one section!)

  • How to Date a Vampire
  • The Vampire is Just Not That Into You
  • How to Catch and Keep a Vampire: A Step By Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful —don’t you catch them with …nets? Or something?

SO there you have it! If your inner bloody vampire isn’t satisfied, then maybe opt for the purchasable Edward wig.

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  • Ellenmurray78

    Not one to blog or talk about this stuff. But Its true. I've read almost all and seen the movies and series, and don't know y it's so popular except for the sexual inuendos and possibly wanting to live to see what these "fictional" characters have seen in their 100s or 1000 years but it is not reality. I of all people would love to see people live long lives full of health and be cancer free. My fate brought me to these stories 40 or so years ago as my birthday is same as Bram Stoker as in Dracula, and Vlad the the impaler who Dracula is based on, but it's fiction unfortunately. It also has to be a very lonely "life" though but i would take it just to be able to experience the world.

  • Mcclory39

    They have really been trying to over due the whole vampire thing, ruining any future literature (worth reading) and films because then you automatically think of 'you know who'. I also read the series (extremely easy to read) and saw the films (Jacob is so getting hotter) and my biggest problem is the stories themself (also the creepy things you've shown of what they are selling...a pad? serously?) Hopefully it will die down once the films are over and the next fad will take over...probably werewolves.

  • Yeah, I get the vampire overkill thing (although I guess that's an oxymoron)...we're almost all suffering from that right now. Even the vampires are, it's safe to say. Leave it to modern culture to take a cool theme and then drench us all in it to the drowning point! Nevertheless, it's not the fault of the archetype and when the cacaphony dies down, hopefully our love for these fascinating beings will live on.

    Diana Laurence, author of "How to Catch and Keep a Vampire,"
    www.dianalaurence.com

  • Candice Horn

    Dear Ms. Laurence,
    That was a very respectful response! I admire you and your ability to take it all in stride!

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