10 telltale signs your friend might have a new boyfriend…
1. Your friend’s facebook page will inexplicably begin to fill with mobile uploads of things that no one could possibly care about except the two people in the relationship. Except that you somehow find yourself caring.
2. “I” will become “we” and you may not hear “I” very much again. Ever.
3. The new boyfriend is suddenly referred to by nickname. One that you have never called them before but are somehow forced to know him as such.
4. Your weekly meals out will become your one and only “social time.” With no more need to be out by herself in social situations, you have lost your wingwoman. Invest in a new one. Trust me.
5. While ordering in and watching a movie on the couch used to be a normal weekday evening activity, your place on the couch has been revoked. Yes, it’s true, you have been downgraded to your own couch. At your own house….
6. Be prepared for a slew of “well he has this really cute friend!” and “I think you would get along with ____” ,as if you aren’t feeling single enough already.
7. Your friend now starts referring to couples you both know as, “them.” In context: “Oh Jane and John?! I loved them.” You think to yourself “they are two separate people right?….” Maybe they aren’t after all.
8. Your friend’s stories have suddenly become only inside jokes between her and the nicknamed boyfriend that make you want to die. You must contain yourself and squeeze out a laugh every now and then.
9. Practice your gag reflex. You will be exercising this control while sitting at dinner while the said couple nuzzles one another and has their own conversations un- penetrateable by even the most strategic of conversationalists.
10. Last thing to remember, 3 months in, when all the pictures posted, have both of them with that glazed over look in their eyes, just thank God your eyes are still shining.